OH THIS PERSON WAS ABUSIVE?
WELL GAWSH, NOBODY’S PERFECT!
i’m so sick of “socialization” or “it’s a systematic thing” or “anyone is capable” being an excuse for not holding people responsible for their actions. fuck ~transformative justice~.
lol i read this horrible piece a few months ago where this woman was saying we should feel bad for batterers/rapists bc capitalism made them do it n they’re oppressed too lmao.
the thing that so odd to me about some of these i.d. politics types in organizing or whatever is that they’ll pounce on people for saying the wrong thing and the most petty shit but defend to the death the inclusion of rapists/predators.
I’m not a doctor or anything but I’m like, 200% sure if you can’t get off with someone reasonably close to your own age and instead have to focus on literal teenage children it’s probably because you’re a massively immature predator who can’t neg adult women into craving your ‘love’ so instead you prey on insecure teenage girls, and it’s definitely because you’re a pedophile
the fixation on forgiveness in tj is like some weird mashup of po-mo and christianity that misrepresents indigenous politics and ignores other forms of resistance in order to promote severely dysfunctional values and coddle abusers. would they lecture gulabi gang on being less mean and lathi-wielding? idk.
the people who boil down instances of abuse in order to tell survivors “communication is key ^_^”, how simple could you be
Anyways, I Am Complicated etc. but major thrashings as always to anyone who suggests ~accountability processes~ to survivors who have been told throughout their life that their pain is meaningless to other people, that they are acceptable targets, that their suffering in silence is necessary for the world to keep working. What is it acceptable to ask for? Somebody tell me, because I was always told “nothing.”
thats the thing that so gross abt the foucaultians. they want to act like they’re so sophisticated for mushing together the categories of survivor and perpetrator, obscuring patriarchal and misogynistic power dynamics, coddling predators based on an assumption about their past, as well as chiding survivors. because god forbid you actually support someone who is freshly traumatized or seeking accountability
I hate how the concept of accountability process amongst offenders in a “safe space” community is so hyped up and heroified. Yes, offenders who have hurt someone should own up and take steps not to repeat their actions, but heralding them as being *so strong* and deserving equal respect as the victim is not okay, nor will it ever be. Fuck abuser sympathy. Fuck glorifying someone for doing what they’re supposed to do.
i think that “we are never safe, most of all from ourselves” is a convenient and exculpatory formulation, but what do i know!
It’s been my experience that a lot of the people who silence conversations about power imbalances in favor of essentially meaningless conversations about how “we are all perpetrators; we are all dangerous” are only speaking from first-hand knowledge of themselves
"This is true for everyone because it’s true for me and also for rapists who are friends with me"
some friends of mine are involved with an organisation that used to be headed by a super charismatic and well-connected dude. then he went overseas to do something and while he was there sexually assaulted a number of women. they spoke out, he went off the radar for a while. people kept doing the work without him. now he’s come back and is hacking emails and stealing money and deleting Facebook comments and just generally acting like the fucking sociopath he is. I don’t know how many times this exact thing has to happen for the Left to realise that defending rapists is not only morally bankrupt but a stupid fucking idea. Why would you even want to find a way to collectively organise with someone who’s already made it crystal clear that they don’t give a shit about other people? Why do people treat holding rapists accountable as, like, a favour to survivors? An unfortunate sacrifice that has to be made for the sake of justice. you got no standards for company or what?
one of the first things that i had to contend w after being assaulted that summer was the dumb commentary by the sex pozzies around me. i already mentioned it, the “people have needs” and “shy virgin” stuff.
this other girl from organizing got into some sex poz argument with me superimposing onto my story some dumb half baked analysis about how if men knew ~women have their own desires~ they wouldn’t rape ppl. and i was like…this guy was one of those ~i know you want it deep down hurr hurr~ types, that doesnt really make sense, but keep talking over me like you know
i am totally external to this argument because i have never been a member of any punk scene of any kind in any city and i have never listened to anything RVIVR has ever recorded or performed, but i am boggling over how anyone could write (well the entire baffling screed really but in particular) the following sentence:
What about when your best friend/sibling/someone you LOVE is revealed as a perpetrator?
what a total shock it would be if someone i loved turned out to be a rapist! golly, i can scarcely imagine! my whole worldview is rattled to its foundations! literally no survivor has ever considered this hypothetical situation because it is simply false that anyone would ever have been raped by their best friend/sibling/lover!
I have literally never heard anyone describe their feelings about being assaulted or abused in any way as “simple”
"complicated" isn’t a synonym for "forgivable"
when people say “I used to hold X opinion about [rape/assault/abuse], but then I realised it was really complicated” what they’re almost always saying is “this was really abstract for me so I was happy to take a stand, then it became inconvenient”